Mosaic

“Life is like riding a bicycle.

To keep your balance you must keep moving.”

Albert Einstein

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It has been two weeks since I have written. This is the longest stretch I have had since starting Still Playin’ With It almost a year ago. The past month has brought a tremendous amount of change to my life. As you have all read, and experience with me, I have ventured through Licensure for Marriage and Family Therapy (LMFT). I started my private practice, which is an amazing tale of courage (link to Perfectly Rebecca). As well, I took a solo trip to Bali for 18 days. (Link to Bali Dreams and Look What I Found: stories of Bali.) I have also been to Oregon and Austin since December. So, this Rebecca has been busy, to say the least.

From licensure, to Bali, and every state of the U.S. and of my mind, I have grappled with what is. Whenimages (1) writing, we have a tendency to discover answers that otherwise may be lost in the soup of our meshed neural pathways in our skull. Trying to make sense of an experience or feeling, our brains tell us reasons why we feel the way we do.

For example: You feel anxious. Your brain says: “There has GOT to be a reason for this and I am going to tell you why.” Then it berates you with multiple reasons why, (these things that you really weren’t thinking of in the first place) are now firing through your mind increasing your anxiety. From your laundry list to your bullying experience as a child, they all may rise in the midst of this feeling. Maybe your parents are getting older or you didn’t say the “right” thing the night before to your partner. It literally will fire all of this at you at once till you grab on to what it MUST be. Then you deal with it while creating more negative energy around this anxious feeling.homeresonance375

Lovely, Rebecca. What the hell do I do with this then? I tell you Still Playin’ With It PEOPLE! I tell you NOW! You stop. You look on the feeling with curiosity and allow yourself to be present in the feeling while it passes, because it will. Then you call your parents, hug your spouse and go for a run. I know it sounds simple, but guess what? It really can be that simple.

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In Winner Winner Chicken Dinner I talked about Newton and the Law of Motion. Like the quote above from Einstein, we must keep moving forward! Not only to stay in motion, but also to KEEP OUR BALANCE! How many times do we talk about balance in our lives? Balancing career and family. Balancing all the different aspects of our selves. I speak a lot to my clients on the integration of our “selves” in therapy. We are fragmented souls. Fragmented in a way that suggests that there is a balance of our pieces. Not fragmented as in BROKEN. Got that?

Your fragments could be from different eras in your life, relationships, experiences, and upbringing.0-PRwyuP2F-mosaic-20course-s- Regardless of your belief in the above theory on fragmentation, our lives can be felt as more balanced when we step into the reintegration of these parts. Take a moment right now. Close your eyes. Imagine, like a beautiful mosaic, your parts coming together to form a tight, gorgeous, perfectly connected masterpiece. That is you: a timeless piece of art. Thank you to those that have trusted me in this process of reintegration in my practice. It has been amazing and a true honor. You know who you are. I love you all.

Today, I will leave you all with this. Recently I took a job as an MFLC: Military Family Life Counselor at Camp Pendleton. I am “embedded” in a battalion. I serve as a therapist and additional support to the marines and sailors of this unit.  As you know from reading me, I am a proud supporter of the military. If you haven’t, PLEASE read “Service”!  This blog is a true reflection of my thoughts with the dedication of our service members. IMG_0792

I committed in the writing of Service, and to my father, that I would serve back in my career for at least a year. Well, guess what? I am doing it! This is my platform to give back to the thousands of men and women, past and present, that have sacrificed and given their all. Last week I was honored with the opportunity to go on the battalion hump. A measly four mile hike through the green hills of Camp Pendleton.

The CULMINATION of the past 5 years of my life, experiencing what I created. I CREATED by a dream: a.k.a FOLLOWING MY BLISS!IMG_7304

p.s. My heart also BELONGS TO MOMMY! I love you mom. Thank you for your undying support and loving me through this amazing process of reintegration and the discovery of my true self! I wouldn’t be who, or where I am today with out you. I love you, Mom.

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“Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.” Benjamin Franklin

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Perfectly Rebecca

“Some of the worst mistakes in my life were haircuts.” -Jim Morrison

IMG_0516In Honor of and dedicated to my father: Richard Ross Craig. (He is alive, don’t worry, and more of a stud today than ever before.)  

GOOD LORD! So as I am “Still Playin’ With It…” I noticed that a bunch of my pictures, almost all, areIMG_3521 missing from my previous posts. What the hell? GRRRRRR! Then I realized why after a little recon: I deleted pics I had used from my media folder on WordPress not knowing it would remove their links in my blogs! (Insert Aussie accent here…) “Good on ya, Rebecca Laser”  for trying to organize your life and thereby lose all previous files. So! There it is. It is. It is perfectly…Rebecca Laser. They may never come back and I will be okay with that…I think. 🙂

????????????????????????????????????????????????????Let it go…Can you? Is there something in your life that is holding you back because you can’t let it go? I utilize the image of holding reigns often with my clients. Take your hands right now and visualize holding reigns as tight as possible. Finger tips digging into your palms. Fists squeezing so tight nothing could penetrate the grip. Take a deep breath and release the grip…slowly…allow the light to enter and the control to release. Enjoy the ride.

I tell you…I sat at my spot, beer in hand, being spoiled by my friend and bartender. I thought: “This is gonna be a great night to write!” Then distraction set in as I ruminated on details of the day, or on what I wanted to come out onto the screen. Oh, and then I met Ryan, a fellow writer. And then my chicken was dry and the girl behind me was yelling in my ear. All distractions of life that love to wiggle their bloody paws into our moments. Frosted on top of the fact that my photos were buried in the WordPress cemetery. (Letting it go…)

IMG_6633AHHH! WHERE THE HELL ARE MY PICTURES? (Well, trying…) This is an opportunity to practice what I preach. Deep Breath. Be here now. Enjoy the moment. Taste the hops. See the patrons. Here the tunes in my ear. Move right. Move to the right hemisphere of that gorgeous brain and feel the night. FEEL the words. Feel the presence of greatness surrounding you, readers. FEEL the elements surrounding you and FEEL yourself in the midst. There must be a gift wrapped in this shit. As I sit here I think: “What a perfect example of the title of my blog: Still Playin’ With IT!!! Again, I say: “Aren’t we all?!

I titled this “Perfectly Rebecca” because I was feeling frustrated and bummed about my blog IMG_0236mishap. Judging myself for making a mistake. Judging myself for not knowing the ins and outs of the blogging world. Frustrated at the amount of time it would take to fix it…blah blah blah. Then, I stopped and thought about a conversation I had with a wonderful girl I see in my private practice. We were discussing her frustrations at thoughts she has, or decisions she makes. She was wondering if they were “good or bad” in an attempt to clarify her feelings. Or possibly, in an attempt to identify the “whys”. Or a way to ultimately understand her true self. As I listened to this gorgeous soul discuss her pain and frustration at why things are the way they are, or why she feels the way she does, I looked at her and said, You are perfectly You! (inserted her name here.) You are perfectly and exactly where you are supposed to be. Thank you for the true inspiration you give me (MS).

And I say to YOU: wherever you are and whoever you are: YOU ARE PERFECTLY YOU. Period. Even in the midst of chaos and judgements towards yourself. Stop. Take a breath and accept this moment as ideal. Accept this space as RIGHT. Acknowledge this step as part of the amazing process we call life. And be fucking proud of yourself. You are HERE because of all the steps you took prior. Right? Repeat after me: I AM PERFECTLY (insert name here)!

IMG_7133You have a choice. You have a choice right now to be bitter and pissed, as I was for a moment. Or you can enjoy this moment as perfectly placed in your path for a purpose. Or just love yourself and your “mistakes.” The dictionary defines “mistake” as:

“an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc.” 

Well then. I mean, without getting TOO DEEP…(HA! Yeah, right! I would never force ya’ all to DIG DEEP!) If you had poorly reasoned, carelessly decided, and/or insufficient knowledge, then how the hell wouldn’t you fuck it up? This statement infers there was a moment, a planck (the smallest measurement of time) where you were able to decide. To decide which way to go. And from this present awareness”mistakes” happen.

Mahatma Gandhi said: “It is unwise to be too sure of one’s own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.” download

Mistakes can be some of the biggest gifts in our lives. Aw, the red wedges of Bali! (Woohoo, AW!) These “mistakes”, or planck of time, or moments of reasoning… give us the bridge to the cave we fear to enter, yes? In this cave are the elements used for producing a perfect “YOU-MUFFIN”. Maybe made out of momentary icky ingredients. But, yummy nonetheless. 🙂 

NOW…Get out your air guitar and rock this planet being thee…

PERFECTLY ALIGNED INGREDIENT THAT YOU ARE!!! 

IMG_3977“Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.” Benjamin Franklin