“Keep your face always toward the sunshine – and shadows will fall behind you.” – Walt Whitman
Hello and Good Day Still Playin’ With It friends and family!
As you have all seen, or not seen, I haven’t written in four long months. A beautifully orchestrated chain of events has had my heart and head consumed.
Let me start by saying a little apology. If you recently started following me and I dropped the ball on enticing you, or allowing you to see my bliss, I am sorry. For those steady and consistent readers and lovers of Still Playin’ With It, I am sorry for falling of the face of the internet for a season without telling you. However, like most unforeseen time warps, I was lost in the shuffle.
See, I had to put my best friend, Neo, down in April. As much as I would like to say I saw it coming with his age and signs of decline, it was the hardest event of my entire life. He was my rock, my best friend, my boy, my walking partner, my closest ally, my constant. He new by a look I gave, or the mere energy in my body how I was doing or feeling. It has been over 4 months now, and I still tear up with just the briefest thought of him. Let alone a long or short conversation about him. Neo Laser, I love you and miss you every moment of my day.
The cycle of life has been so present the past four months. Death and Birth. Old and New. Peace and Grief. It all comes to us throughout the seasons of our lives. What is passing in your life creating space for birth? What relationships need to be pruned to allow you to move in to a new chapter? What stamp do you want to put on your life passport to show and prove to yourself that you can do it? **(Now is the time you actually stop and ponder these questions and perhaps do a bit of writing to process it all.)
Like all great loves, you take a risk letting them in knowing one day they will go. It is inevitable. Whether by decline of the physical body or loss of the connection in spirit and emotion, ALL relationships evolve and end at some point.
“To love greatly is to risk greatly.”-Terrence George Craddock
As I sit in reflection of the past four months, I stumble across pivotal moments throughout the past three years when I started Still Playin’ With It that mirror my experiences this year.
Two years ago I ventured off to Bali…alone, wide-eyed and ready to see what she had to offer. What a journey. My words from Look What I Found are as poignant today as they were then. Please take a moment or 8 and read the passion of my journey inward and abroad.
“When reflecting on your history and being the only TRUE scholar of your past, by definition, inquire and therefore gain knowledge through investigation. The memories, visions and interpretations of your history go through your brain like a train on tracks. Those dark winter months of your personal history drove you forward, naturally, to the next season. Being lost helps you gain sight. Courage intertwines with fear. Freedom stems from letting go of old shit. Your history, the good, the bad and the ugly are synchronizations of a perfect, absolutely perfect journey called YOUR LIFE!” –Look What I Found!
So often we venture off to find what we always had inside. The loss of a dear friend pushed me to dig deep and see what was all around me. Like solo traveling does to so many, it invites you to dig deep amongst the strange feelings and people to find your inner strength.
As I want to keep this one short and sweet, I will leave you with this…As I cried and said Hello to my dear buddy last week at the park where we rolled around almost daily, I heard him so clearly say this:
“I am here to help you cry, Mommy. The thought of me helps you release emotion and tears from many other places in your life that don’t feel as deserving. I am always with you to help you feel and safely express that energy.”
Who are what are you using to express emotion that needs to flow? The loss of a pet? The loss of a relationship? A death? Why are you stopping those energetic balls of salt water to flow?
Like I did with Neo that day, thank the person, situation, or event that is allowing your body to purge the emotion and possibly the tears that want to be expressed. There is NO SHAME in feeling.
Still Playin’ With It tribe: Thank you for all the love and support. Thank you for reading and always asking with genuine curiosity and excitment when my next riff will be out. Here it is with more to come!
“EITHER WRITE SOMETHING WORTH READING OR DO SOMETHING WORTH WRITING.”-BENJAMIN FRANKLIN