Tootsie Rollin’

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This one was a challenge for me…expressing myself…like being on the top of a high dive, standing at the edge, with the audience watching, as I…DIVE IN!

Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought, “Who is that?” or “Is that what I look like?” or “Is one eyebrow really higher than the other?” Self gazing, we could say. Most of us don’t take time to stop and really reflect on ourselves, especially while staring in the mirror. For one, you can’t see both eyes at the same time or your vision goes blurry. So you glance from eye to eye, trying to encompass the entire picture. Difficult to do.

As we learned in my past two blogs, “Imatard, Uatard, Avatard” and “For the Love of Legos”, I am a reflection of you, you are a reflection of me. I am part of you. You are part of me, we are we.

The work comes in for me when reflecting on MY part of the whole, MY inner being, MY Me…I am gonna say that again, “MY ME.” I think that is a sweet statement. My Me is an ever growing magic show. Ha. The performance of a lifetime. Journey into yourself. How do I experience me? As I face My inner most reflection…It is a voyage inward.

So, the challenge I have owned for myself is to see and experience my own reflection of Me, little ol’ RL. How do we identify who we are? By checking in with your reflection. Being present with yourself. Ask yourself questions. Be inquisitive. Be quiet. Be still. Observe yourself. Step outside of yourself while talking with a stranger. Be a witness to your life. Be your own audience. What impact am I making? What’s your WAKE leaving behind. (Check out “A-wake” from a few weeks back…) Write them down. Chat with your trusted, special mates about your stories.  Be ready to experience yourself. Be prepared to flow in whatever you hear. Like a spring, as it bubbles up, let it flow. You are exactly who you… are to be.

When working with my clients, one of the first tools I go to is an “I am…” journal. I have them write out ten “I am…” statements in a few different ways. Such as, descriptions of their outer identity. i.e. I am mother. I am student. I am brunette. I am 8 feet tall. The other list will have words that describe who they are internally, how they feel about themselves, their strengths. i.e. I am strong. I am powerful. I am loved. I am a fucking rockstar! 🙂 We will also do, whatever you/they are feeling today “I am…” lists. Sometimes, they really teach me, as a therapist and coach, where they are in their head and in their heart. “I am worthless. I am ugly.”  This shows me a great place to start working to empower them to be their beautiful selves.

Once I was able to identify Me, which is an ever evolving joy ride, I was able to see more clearly my role in the whole. I am able to unconditionally witness the other. I can see you; my friend, my partner, my colleague, my client, my barista, my fellow gym babe, my best friend, my teammate, my new connection, with such clarity. What a transcendent gift to give yourself, boundless in blessings.

I have a great idea! Why don’t ya’ all make an “I am…” list! Share with me what you come up with! I would LOVE that. It is a powerful experience and I would be honored to hear your descriptions of YOU.

I will show you an example below. Which, may I add, is what James Clear speaks about regarding “Leading at Scale.” (www.jamesclear.com) As a writer, expressing your internal self to the external world is scary and awkward. Thank you for allowing me to share who I am to each one of you, personally. I GOT THIS!

More than all the previous words, I want to share today what I desire to observe and experience in my own true reflection:

I desire…to…reflect love. I reflect beauty. I reflect awareness. I reflect authenticity. I reflect respect. I want to be a blessing to all I encounter with my genuine reflection. I reflect you.  I want to sprinkle my magical fairy-dust…better watch out. I’ll get ya!

And here is my “I am” list… 

I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am an athlete. I am a writer. I am a therapist. I am a teammate. I am a coach. I am a wellness guide. I am a student of life. I am educated. I am a friend. I am a traveler.

I am passionate. I am loving. I am funny. I am strong. I am sexy. I am sweet. I am available. I am loyal. I am present. I am brilliant. I am vulnerable. I am rad. I am harmonious. 

I love to love. I love to connect. I love to riff. I love to dance. I love to laugh. I love to be still. I love to meditate. I love to empower. I love to rock it. I love to smile-smilings my favorite. 

I am me. 

Now look in the mirror. Look in a pond. Look in your hub cap. Who is that? ‘Lead at Scale’ and make your list.

One more time: this poem (again I wrote when I was 21) is as applicable today as it has been each moment in between…

“It is Me that you see. Nobody but Me. Who do I dare to be? Nobody but Me.”

I see ME. I see YOU

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Yep, that’s me…tootsie rollin’ in the whole.

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6 thoughts on “Tootsie Rollin’

  1. Reading this brought tears to my eyes. As i walk through life i find myself struggling with each new version of”me”. I’m not sure if I’ve ever found the true Erin (Martin) Cox, maybe because I’ve been afraid to look at/for her. I’m inspired to try, my journey begins today. Thank you!

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  2. This is amazing Becca! I am definitely going to “tootsie roll” in my journal today..and maybe every day from here on out! Love your work it’s amazing 🙂

    Like

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